I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
