Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
