I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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