I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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