A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
