i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
