Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
