Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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