You can't special order awesome
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
