The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
