I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
