You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
