I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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