you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
