i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
