"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
did i walk over a car last night?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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