One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
