I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
