I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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