office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
