if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
