this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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