her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
