i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
