You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
