Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
