Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
