I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
