I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
