i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
