I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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