as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There are leaves in my underwear?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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