Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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