sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
