OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
