This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
