Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
