someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
