Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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