I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
