somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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