sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
