I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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