Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
