You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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