I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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