I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
