Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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