Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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