i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
